I have them.
I know I have them.
I have had them since I began forcing my infant sister to play Rajah (Aladdin tiger) and Rudolph and all other sorts of things when I was three.
So God is really really working on those now. A lot of college has been learning that I am not the boss of everyone and everything in my life and I have to roll with the punches. (God gave me an incredibly messy roommate-- I am probably OCD. Like Monk-level if I let myself think about it.) And I thought I learned that lesson! Until everything fell out this past Thursday.
I have auditioned/ interview for more than five jobs/plays for this summer. And I have absolutely NOTHING for this summer. They all loved me. Just not enough to employ/cast me. Effectively killing all my summer plans. Yall, I have had this summer planned for two years!!! This is not okay with me. I cried on the way home and called my mom. She was very very practical. So I cried some more and stole hugs where I could get them. I put on my big girl face and went about my evening, having my mom call me later to console a bit more and work on a plan and remind me that I am only human and that I really do go after what I want, even if it is out of my reach.
All this on top of the fact that we have five people living in our apartment so that we can afford rent and one moved out. We thought she was staying later and instead had literally a week to find a new roommate. Which is impossible. So that had spiraled waaay out of my control too. (Like I ever really had control in the first place.) We found a band-aid solution and I was off to my women's retreat, la de da, fun stuff.
And it was AWESOME! But God really really made me face up my control issues and reminded me that when I hang on so tight to what I want things to do, I cannot hang on to HIM and HIS plans and HIS blessings. Control is a chain that he is breaking, a curse that I do not have to bear.
For now, my living room is strewn with large, packed boxes, my floor desperately needs vacuuming, and we were almost late yesterday. But I am not worrying about it because God is in control. I will vacuum when there is time (tomorrow) and the boxes will go away when it is time (tomorrow). Mess still bugs me. I still want things to go my way. But the beautiful promises of Psalms 107 reminds me that I am never in control and never was. So why should I worry? Why should I freak out? God is in control. :)
(Hey, and for all we know, he put a few dragons around too-- nothing says all those skeptics are right now does it?)